Willow Part #15 - Chapter 15

Part 15: Chapter 15

Okay guys, thanks for waiting. This last chapter is the grand finale, and it's also huge.

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Nockmaar Castle theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Ls...feature=related

...So. Who's ready for one of the most annoying parts of the game? If not THE most most annoying part of the game?

As a bit of background, I've played the final dungeon of Willow several times in my youth. I've beaten Kael before, but I've never, ever beaten Bavmorda. This isn't because she was especially difficult, but because I was fairly incompetent at playing video games at age six. This marks the first time I will have actually gone through the entire game and then finished it.

One more thing. Most of you will probably notice the levels in my stat window fluctuating from 13 to 16. The reason is for continuity. I did the first half of the castle at lower levels in order to make it a bit more challenging for myself, then left to level up and came back. I've presented them in this order so that the castle itself flows well, rather than my stats. Sorry if this sounds confusing, but trust me, it will be a lot easier this way.

Ready? Let's rock.

I probably wasn't very good about explaining this before, but every single dungeon in Willow is a freakishly annoying maze. Nockmaar castle is probably the first one, however, that actually does this on purpose.

Three floors? No dungeon has had three floors so far! Well, except the towers, but they don't really count.

Skipping floors. They're too small to bother with, and they only have duplicate corridors. Until...

Sheesh, somebody is ALWAYS capturing Madmartigan. I don't think I've seen a sprite for him that isn't sitting on the ground like a little bitch.

Yes. I've... met you before, you know.

- You can no longer escape. Go to blazes with this man.

- That's one way. Or how about... THIS!

- "Willow threw the powder of unrequited love at Sorsha...... But Sorsha dodged it and the powder got on Madmartigan."

Oops. Well, at least it hit the most useless person in the game.

- ......Sorsha. Ah dear Sorsha! I love you.

HA! He's your problem now, bitch!

- You are my moon and my sun in the clear blue sky. Without you I am in darkness.

...

- Sorsha! You are being fooled! Your eyes are overflowing with justice and hope.

Sorsha! Complete topic change!

- Sorsha, I do not believe the prophecy. There is no chosen hero. If there is a hero, every living creature in the world is it. All of us of the Daikini clan, the Nelwyn clan, the Eagle clan with the wings, and the rabbit like Nail clan are it.

Oh that's a crock of... you guys never did anything! And didn't he say he didn't believe in the Nail clan? He never did see any of them...

- All are living to their fullest, and the effort put forth into living is the greatest strength in this world.

Only when I'm playing this game, Marty.

- Sorsha your strength is necessary now. Let's give our strength to Willow!

...This can't possibly work.

- ........Madmartigan...... Thank you Madmartigan. I feel like I've awakened, Willow, the crest of the spirits should be in a treasure chest in the cave below this castle.

How the hell did that work?!

And so Madmartigan and Sorsha vanish, never to appear again. Apparently that's how they give Willow their strength. By the way, that stuff about the crest in the basement? You can go down there after this conversation and check out a chest, but it's empty. Great, huh?

Boss room?

YOU BET YOUR ASS!

"Get off my lawn!"

- It's too late! I've already given the crest of the spirits to Bavmorda. Ha ha ha!

- I am sick of everyone laughing at me right before they fight me. Let's dance!

...Crap. Okay, I can handle him. Just rush him head on and-

...Ow...

So, a few funny things about fighting Kael. One is that he's got more health than Willow no matter what. He also can't be dodged if you're fighting him head on.

So, it seems like it'd be a good idea to hit him from the side, right?

You can't see him right now, but that isn't because he took damage. It's because attacking from the side pisses him off so much he runs at you faster than my emulator can screenshot. What does this mean for me? Well,

...That's what.

Ack!

Shitshitshit

Oof...

So, what's the trick to beating Kael?

Don't move until he stops swinging. Turns out Willow's shield will block all of Kael's attacks as long as they're from his sword. Then, stab the motherfucker. Even so, there's no way to tell when he'll stop swinging his sword until the window to attack may be too late, so your best bet is to hope he doesn't start attacking again while you're stabbing. He does recoil from your attack, but he doesn't give much ground.

Hate

You

Kael!

So, it's only slightly less ridiculous how much it takes to kill Kael in the game compared to the movie. I almost feel like three swords in his chest and a fall off a rampart would have been easier to pull off in this fight.

Nockmaar castle rooftops: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-PaewTGZBQ

Guards and dolls!

Nanananana guards and dolls!

Long way up...

...Zuh? What happened to the doors?

AHH! FUCK!

...Dammit, Bavmorda is ugly as sin.

- As soon as I seal the spirit's crest. I will never have to be afraid of higher powers or men. I will be immortal. Ha ha ha!

- We'll see about that, Beakmorda! Time to give you a faceful of prophecy!

Boss fight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Wa9...feature=related

So, they're on an even footing.

Bavmorda's only attack is to fly around the room dropping fireballs in her wake. You can take damage from either the fire or from Bavmorda herself. But guess what the twist is?

You can only damage Bavmorda with the Cane! Yup, the sword is useless in this section of the fight.

In fact, you can only beat Bavmorda at level 15. Otherwise, you won't have enough MP to kill her, even if you go into the fight with full MP and never miss a shot. Miss too much, or go in under-leveled, and you get to run around like a tool until she kills you. There is no escape from boss fights.

Sounds like the kind of freakishly frustrating final boss you'd expect for this game, huh?

EAT CANE, BITCH!

What next, you ask?

Willow dialogue-exits out of Bavmorda's cries for mercy. It's about damn time he did something badass.

Apparently the fight now takes place on the intro title screen. Or stuff just blew the hell up. Either way, this is the final battle.

It's exactly the same fight on Bavmorda's end, but...

Now you can slice, dice, and stab the bitch.

As evidenced here...

And here...

And here and here and here and here!

The fight is heating up!

- This is for the annoying as hell bosses!

- THIS is for the maze-like towns, dungeons, and caves!

- THIS is for the killer trees and mountain faces!

- THIS is for the level requirement!

- THIS is for unnecessary dead ends!

- And THIS!

- IS FOR MAD-FUCKING-MARTIGAN!

Owned much?

Ending theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ma...feature=related

- What about MY wealth and happiness? I saved the world!

- Sigh... fine. At least now Zhena and Muzh can rest easy, and the world won't have to worry about bird-faced hags trying to take it over. Time to go home and get shitfaced.

Thanks David, thanks Moe. Glad to know you had two people working on the program for this wonderful piece of art.

Get this next part...

With names like Tom-Ron, Fish Man, and Tall Nob, how could the monsters be anything but masterful creatures of terror and grace?

Seriously, Mega Man villains had more depth than the bosses in this game.